So Cody doesn't feel alone......

I have read and reread the depression entries and comments. This is my experience on the subject. I have read over 26 books on depression and self-help books to find the answers that were true to my feelings. I also had to go to alot of counselors...shopping...if you will, to find one that connected with my inner self/spirit. I have also been on every medication that could be made trying to take the one that would work for me to be able to keep functioning and have a productive live. It is not an easy task. I knew when I had the right medication because I felt hope and my attitude was better. I didn't have the pity party attitude, I knew within a very short time it was the right pill for me. In our office they say it levels out within 6 weeks. If you do not see a positive change within that time, you are not on the right one. If you crash and have a depressed episode after you have been on medication, I suggest you re-evaluate your treatment. Something is not working! I too NEVER want to go there again. I actually take pride in the fact that I was blessed with the ability to figure it out...with the Lord's help, of course, after depression for about 25 years. It has only been in the last 10 years that I can honestly say I have a very good handle on it. I have learned to recognize the symptoms, the red flags, if you will. I know what works for me. The most important thing is that my testimony has NEVER waivered. If anything it is stronger. I have always been able to feel the spirit, even in my darkest hour. I would hate to think how scary it would be to not feel the spirit. The spirit is what kept me guided to the right sources of help. A few of the motivating factors that got me up in the morning were: my children needed a "healthy" mother. A functioning mother who could teach and be an example. A mother and only a mother that could give them the female side of life. Dads are great...but let's get honest here. There is nothing that can take the place of a mother's love, nuturing, caring and example. Another motivating factor was my personal desire to be mentally and physically healthy. I was not born to lay in bed! You see, when you are depressed, which is a mental illness, it affects the physical. Those are the symptoms the dr. asks you. Are you tired, body aches, loss of apetite,? etc. I had my most favorite counselor, and I had several, that said: I promise you, when you changed your thinking, you will never have depression again. He went on to say, depression starts out in the mind! As a man thinketh, so is he. (and he wasn't LDS) You are what you think about all day long. This happens on a sub-conscious level. That is why you want to be aware of your surroundings, people you hang out with and work with (that is one reason I quit Pathways,) and thoughts. All this can feed your depression. That is why all things must come to your conscious level. As my children have said...."we were raised by a cognitive mother". That means, you are aware of your thoughts and physical ailments. e.g. If you have a stomach ache, the question I would ask my kids." Why, what is upsetting you? All emotions start in the stomach. Let's talk about it, let go of it and move on". It is like getting really honest with your self. When you are not real, honest and humble to admit you have issues that are causing the depression that is when the trouble becomes worse. IT IS NEVER ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON....NEVER!!!!!!!!! You can blame the teacher, the spouse, the friend, but that will not change you. It is how you handle it. You cannot change them you can only change you. You can ask yourself simple questions like: How is their immaturity or short temper a reflection of me, or why is this bothering me so much. What is this really about?. In other words, what can I learn from this? All this refers back to the stomach ache idea, or head ache etc. So then you dig deep inside and say perhaps this: My stomach hurts because the teacher said, or my friend today said I had ugly teeth. (don't laugh) You internalize that and say inside: I am ugly. A negative thought becomes a fixed belief that is not real, therefore, it becomes a "depressed:" thought. Or maybe someone says, you are fat. You become depressed and internalize it. You want approval so you live up to that thought to be validated, even if at a conscience level you know it is not true. That is why it is so important to work through the steps to sort and get honest with yourself. So my point: Yes, there is some chemical depression that occurs when your chemistry changes to accomodate your reality, or what you think is your reality. Yes, some people must be on medication to change the chemistry in their head. It is proven that when you fill your head with negative for so long, it does change the chemistry in your head. It may not start out as a habit, but just like an alcoholic, it becomes a habit that was motivated by a thought. An unhealthy conclusive thought. YOU are your worst enemy, but also can be your best friend (when honest with self). The good news....you can change, It is your choice. Look at me! I did it, so can you!!! Do not run away, do not justify your actions. Be like an eagle and rise above! I hope this helps and enlightens. bev